As The Supreme Commander of The Supreme Cult, I demand respect!
If anyone anywhere says anything negative about me in any way, we will take action to preserve my Good Name and the Name of our Cult.
In fact, no one but us can call us a cult.
No suggestion, no matter how vague, that we are less than legitimate will be dealt with in the most severe manner we can think of.
If anyone says anything about me in any way, we will sue for Libel or Slander as the case may be.
If anyone says anything about our cult, we will sue for Libel or Slander as the case may be.
We will take immediate legal action against anyone anywhere anytime by filing a $100,000 lawsuit against the guilty party.
All court expenses will be paid by the guilty party (the party is the guilty party if we say he or she is the guilty party).
All court expenses will encompass all bribes we pay to the judge and jury to insure that the case is settled to our satisfaction.
Also, the guilty party will pay for my travel time and lunch for the duration.
The guilty party will be enjoined from saying anything to anyone at anytime at all about me or my cult by court order.
No appeals may be permitted.
We will not settle out of court.
We will insure you are bankrupted.
Moreover, we will feel free to insure your silence through extortion and threats.
A contract may be put out on your life.
We are serious.
We mean business.
Our standard response:
This statement is known by defendants to be false. It is also defamatory, libelous, slanderous and purposely meant to cast Plaintiff, The Supreme Commander, in a false light, even if it is true.
And that nasty crack about me actually living in a Post Office Box is outrageous!